Love Sucks!

love sucks!

Flushed emotions

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness , love sucks

i am not smrt

This is news to me. As I’ve always consider myself an intelligent soft spoken manboy. OK maybe not, those that know me are wearing that confused look on their face as they read the last sentence. “Are you sure ? I always thought u were an idi.. I mean nice guy “ 

Part of growing up is coming to terms with your shortcomings and work at it everyday to better yourself, or so I heard. My list of shortcomings is too long to list here but the one thing that’s been pestering me is my subpar book smart. I have common sense but that alone won’t get me to anywhere worth going. 

I can think of a few reasons as to why I am in this predicament in the first place, one of it is my inability to commit to anything worthwhile. As such I don’t really know much at all about anything. Another is my extreme laid back (lazy) approach to life. But the real reason is my addiction to funtime. My parents call it “bở học, ham chơi”.

It started in my college years with Warcraft, yes I was an addict. I’ve been getting better but perhaps I am still haunted by my decision to drop out during sophomore year. I’ve been working full time since 2005. Work was required but had I been ambitious I could’ve worked full time and continued school. Nope, I worked and devoted my time to fun. 

I’ve been having way too much fun. There’s a time and place for everything, especially now I need to put aside fun time and get serious about my education. I want more $, I won’t be able to survive on what I make now later in life. Without an education I know I won’t get very far.

So I’ve decided to make time for more worthwhile endeavours and put fun time in the corner. But make no mistake that when I feel that I am where I want to be, fun time will be reinstated in full force. Wheeeee!!!

Filed under: Acceptance, Stream of Consciousness , bo hoc ham choi, I am not smrt, playtime is over

Goodbye Summer

Summer 2008 was truly phenomenal. I got to do everything I wanted to. I took my chances in Atlantic City again at the poker table and came out on top. I made a perfect read on the other player who was trying to draw against my pocket Aces. The flop were all low cards and I want to minimize the chances of his draws so I raised it to $50 (this was at the $1-2 blinds table) It took some deliberation for him to call but he finally put out the chips. I knew at this point my pocket aces were good. He neither re-raised or made a swift call so I put him on a straight draw, there were no chances of a set or trips. The turn came another low card, not happy with his last call so I went all in to push him out (about $100) Again after some deliberation he made the call. The river came a face card and I showed my pocket aces. He begrudgingly mucked and  mumbled “good hand”. My only regret was not having enough chips to do more damage.

The most memorable moments from summer 2008 were from my time spent at Disney World. I couldn’t have ask for a better group of people to hang with and I got to nurture my inner child. Disney is truly a place for kids of all ages.  We visited Hollywood Studios, Epcot and Magic Kingdom. The first ride we went on at Hollywood Studios was the tower of terror, I didn’t expect such a big drop since I figured it was a ride for kids only. There might be rumours circling around that I screamed like a little sissy girl when the lights went off and we were jerked around like birds in a cage. I neither deny or confirm these rumours, but in my defense the drops were CRAZY. The other rides we went on were true to their kids only reputation so as far I can remember there were no little girls screaming.

Next we visited Epcot, the ferry ride to the park gave us a chance to take in the sights while safely tucked in the confines of our seats. We have done our fair share of walking by the time we got to Epcot, though our feet had enough our curiosity had only just began. We walked around Epcot for a few hours checking out various cultures architecture and cuisines. A friend of our even found a remnant of his ancestors’ glorious past achievements. As he was scaling the pyramid of Teotihuacan our friend then realized that we had already left him to his own device and walked off into another part.

We saved the best for last and went to Magic Kingdom just in time to see the year of a million dreams parade and the 7/4 fireworks. The fantastic parades during the day had all the usual cast of Disney characters, I was in awed as each float passed by, gleefully smirking as I recalled the first time I was introduced to them. NOTHING will ever be as awesome as the first time I saw Aladdin and subsequently entranced by the fantastical magic carpet and the blue genie. Robins Williams MADE that movie.

Then came the fireworks, set against the backdrop of the infamous Magic Kingdom castle, it was an hour long of pure eye candy. Time ceased to exist as we were treated to the wonderful world of Disney. The complications of being an adult were tucked deep away in a corner of our mind as the simplicities of a curious kid took control. The coolest part of Magic Kingdom were the year of million dreams light show parade. Each float was magnificently decorated with lights from every color of the spectrum.  This trip totally made my summer and I hope that soon I would get to return there again to nurture the inner kid in me that’s always screaming out for attention

Indecent public exposure.

There was a huge mirror at the timeshare.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness , 2008, summer

The advantages of being young…

2 hours of sleep, 20 miles, 4 hours and 20 minutes later I still had energy for more. Its GREAT to be young and be able to pull off such reckless outings. The plan was to attend a friend’s housewarming party and leave by 11pm, I’d get home by 12AM and sleep for 5.5 hours then get up at 5:30AM to go run my scheduled 20 milers. Well things didn’t go quite as planned, instead of complaining I made adjustments and enjoy my time with the company I was around. The poker game lasted until 2AM and afterward we went out to a 24 hour Korean BBQ restaurant. The food was great, I devoured every bit of it. I made it home by 3:50AM and finally crashed on my bed at 4AM, the alarm rang at 5:30AM I kept hitting snooze and finally got up at 5:45AM, I rushed out the house at 6AM and made it to the capital crescent trail at 6:30AM for the schedule run with my training group.

We started at the capital crescent trail in Bethesda, ran through the national zoo and circle back on Rock Creek parkway to beach drive and finally back to the developing capital crescent trail. All in all, with about 6 water breaks we finished in 4 hours and 20 minutes. This was my first 20 miler and surprising I did quite well, the pain was there but its nothing more than minor aches. I finished strong and felt like I had enough fuel to go the extra 6.2 miles. We’re a little over 3 months into the training program and I am confident that I can make it through the training, we have a little under 3 months to go and only 2 more 20 milers in our schedule. To achieve my personal goal of finishing within 4 hours I am running 4 times a week, putting in at least 30 miles by myself and whatever we’re schedule to run on Sunday.

My new ambition is to complete a full on ironman triathlon, all 2.6 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking and 26.2 miles of running. Even if I don’t make it, at least I aimed for the moon.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness , 20 miles, hopeful, ironman, marathon, reckless, triathlon, youth

People I admire

The Doers: the ones that set goals and will stop at nothing to achieve it, the ones that stay up until 2am to study so they can move on to a better career and hence a better life, the ones that get up at 5am in the morning to hit the pavement so they can qualify for the Boston marathon, the ones with quiet ambitions and silently work to better themselves each day.  The ones who were born without innate genetic talents and yet instead of complaining they try their hardest with what they were given. These are the people that truly inspire me, their sheer determination and audacity give me hope. Perhaps one day I too will follow in their foot steps. There have been one question that have been looming in my mind, at the core of it all, what am I really made of ? the loser who were too afraid to try or the man that see each day as a chance to better himself.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

People I hate

In no particular, these are the kind of people that irks me most…

Flaky  – make up your mind, don’t be a victim of variety, pick an option and stick to it, nothing is as you expected, most things require some work on your part to shape it to your liking.

Condescending – what give you the right to look down on someone ? unless you’re 7 feet tall and make a 7 figure salary, you have no business talking down to anyone.

Braggarts – no matter how good you are at what you do, trust me, there’s someone out there who can do it better. Its better for someone to recognize your good qualities without your help. There’s something to be said about humble modesty.

Knowing the type of people I hate perhaps I should share something about myself. I can’t seem to make up my mind whether I am better than this guy because I just am or because of the car I drive

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness , people i hate

One goal at a time

From now until the end of October the only thing that I’ll be concern with is the Marines’ Corp marathon and my goal of finishing within 4 hours. NOTHING will take precedence over this, I will give it my all to achieve this personal goal. Once this is completed, I will focus on my academic career. Ultimately I will get a B.S in Computer Science and an MBA soon after. As soon as I finish with school, I will move to New York and start the life I’ve always wanted, free from my past, not living in anyone’s shadow. I’ve learned that when it really matter, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

in spite of myself…

In spite of all the faults and bad habits I’ve accumulated I’ve learned to see myself for the person I could be and as long as I am conscious of this simple fact I will try and try harder until the day that I can look back on the things I’ve done and proclaim without regrets that I’ve given it my best.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

Who I am hates who I’ve been

Mourn the death of a clumsy-hearted fool and welcome among you a pompous, self-loathing jackass who care for noone but himself. Let it be known, a thousand roses for the one that can get this hopeless fool to listen to his heart once again.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

for want of things

Lately I’ve come to realize why I’ve been so passive with my life, it turn out to be my stoic upbringing.  I was always taught to not have desire for things and learn to appreciate what’s given to me. I took the idea to the extreme and stumbled  through my teen and early twenty years not having a clue what I want to do. It seem that what my parents meant was for me to live the best life I could and not have any regrets. Its kinda hard to regret anything when you’ve done nothing worthwhile. I was reminded of a saying one of my teachers use to mention regarding any endeavors, he tried to drill into our heads that there are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going. Just wanting something isn’t enough, you have to put in the effort to get it. Only in my late 20s that I realize the truth of this simple principle. As such I’ve come to embrace this new revelation in full force, I am doing the things I want to do with more intensity and dedication to see it through. The old way of doing things wasn’t working out  so well for me, I was developing and inferiority complex and there was no way out. A series of events happened that got me to snapped out of it and recovered my pride. Pride, when used correctly can be a powerful motivator, and as Eleanor Roosevelt so eloquently put it, noone can make you feel inferior without your consent. I’ve yet to accomplished anything meaningful but I will always stay wanting and never settle.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness , pride, want