nguyenhai's Blog

the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. ~ Steve Jobs

Willingness

“Nature made you as you are, will yourself into who you want to be”

I am an advocate of change, regardless of who I am now, I truly believe that if I aspire to be someone different I have every capacity within me to make it happen. Not that there’s anything wrong with the way I am now but at a certain point in my life I realize that its time for change and are ready to make every necessary commitments toward that goal. All I need is the willingness to make myself keep on with the daily struggle and never let down until I see myself as the me I want to be.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness ,

The Leave me alone box

Perhaps the greatest invention ever created. You think ?


http://leavemealonebox.com/welcome.html

Filed under: Gadgets

Conversation of the day

me: but seriously though I am great, I don’t have any of the emotional defects most guys do
I like watching girly movies, I think the Notebook was a great movie
I actually cried when Noah saw Allie with her fiancee and walked away brokenhearted

friend: wow for a guy you’re very sensitive. How is it that you haven’t found anyone to love you yet ?

me: *thinking to myself* you wanna be the first ?

Too bad I didn’t have the balls to say what I was thinking :-( Previous rejections have gotten me so tightly wound that at the slightest notion of anything seemingly personal where there’s a chance I might get hurt I instantly retreat into my fortified walls and spout self deprecating jokes to avoid another heartache.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

Goodbye heartache

I never really wanted our friendship to fall apart
But its time for us to say goodbye
I can’t deny how much I’ll miss you and how much you mean to me
I will say otherwise, but you know better

I once asked what I meant to you
Secretly hoping that you’ve come to see me in a different light
But you’ve confirmed what I’ve feared all along
I am just another friend along the way

So for my own selfish reasons
I must learn to say goodbye
You will never know, how much you mean to me
How much it hurt to say goodbye

I realize you didn’t intentionally lead me on
But due to the nature of my sentimental heart
I  can no longer repress my misguided affections
To save myself from further heartache, I must learn to say goodbye

I’ll never know if I ever meant half as much as you are to me
It was foolish to open my heart to you
I can’t help but feel that way, so its time to say goodbye
Your heart can’t be sway, at least not by this foolish guy

The next time we meet, a simple acknowledging glance will suffice
No need for any superficial exchange of words
I already know what you have to say
And you, you will never change

Filed under: Poetry

A chance for love

I thought long and hard and what little I am able to convey in words below were my intentions from the very beginning. No one is at fault. It was just a case of misplaced affection. I hope that in time I can learn to forget and move on.

A chance for Love

My intentions were simple
I wanted a chance to held your hands
To make you laugh when you’re feeling down
To dry your tears when you cry
To pull you up when the world got you down
To sway your heart to look my way

I wanted a chance
To say “xin lỗi” when I am in the wrong
To say “hey” when you’re feeling lonely
To say “I care” when you feel neglected
To say “I’ll listen” when you need to vent
To say “its ok” when you need to be comforted

I wanted a chance
to have what so many are looking for
and which so few people actually found
I wanted a chance to experience true love
But it can’t be force, if its not there
Goodbye heartbreak, you’re no friend of mine.

Filed under: Poetry

Focus Shift

I am guilty of idleness and complacency. Perhaps a shift in focus will bring about much needed changes. Recent experiences were all too forced and synthetic. Nothing seemed real and lasting. Reserved bitterness is the only way to be, at least until I find that something to do, love and hope for.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

Froward Fool

What do I know
A simple deluded fool
You’ve been through so much
Heart ripped and torn

You once felt so truly in love
There was someone else you trusted
How did that turn out ?
You were all alone

Bitter and lonely
Who do you think was there for you ?
He who you trusted or this deluded fool ?
Although tossed to the side I was always there

I pulled you through it all
I gave you paddings for your hurts
Yet you were too stubborn to see
Tossed me aside still

You froward fool
When will you realize
You’ll just repeat the same mistakes again
Everything is deja vu

But this time I won’t be there
To be your deluded fool
Tossed out way too far
I can’t find my way back to you

Filed under: Poetry

What’s in a life ?

I always wanted to be somebody and do something when I grow up. The thing is, I wasn’t real clear on how to go about being that somebody and doing that certain something I am passionate about. A good part of my 20s were spent waiting for moments that would never happen whilst life move on. I now realize that life is a nonstop pace, its what happen while I was sitting idle waiting for those perfect moments that will never come by. I will never meet that perfect someone, I will never get that perfect job, I will never buy that dream car. Nothing is instant, everything comes at a gradual pace, I’ll never meet that perfect someone if I don’t meet anyone else along the way, I will never find that perfect job if I don’t work my way up to it, you have to take a lot of $hit and do a lot of cruddy work before you get a chance to do what you’re truly passionate about. Oh and forget about that dream car too if that perfect job with a big fat salary isn’t there. But I digress, I should stop waiting and start doing.

Filed under: Uncategorized

The World I Know

Gazing through a tiny crack
Within the safe confines of my mind
I dared to look out for something more
Abashed by the apparent vastness

I never imagine there could be more to see
Yesterday’s problems seems so trivial
The world I knew, slowly crumbled
Within the confines of my mind

Beyond my narrow views
The world I know no longer exists
Pummeled by the drastic changes
I thought to myself, “So world this is you”

Lost and confused, I ponder my next move
Do I content in thinking myself learned and founded
Do I slip back into the confines of my mind
The pleasing thoughts and memories of a known world are still there

Should I admit to petty narrow mindedness
And embrace the world beyond my eyes
Knowing what the world is like now
How can I still gaze through the same tiny crack

Filed under: Poetry , ,

My experience at VASCON4

Having no plans for the weekend of April 4-6, 2008 I decided to attend the Vietnamese American Students Conference(VASCON) on a whim.

I figured if for nothing else it should help occupy my time. I’ve never been much of a social person let alone attend any sort of conferences, in fact I am a bit socially inept. However, I came to the event with an open mind, ready and willing to absorb new information and meet interesting like minded people. I was not disappointed. The event is in its 4th year and this year’s venue is held at Georgetown University in Washington DC. The attendees came from all over the US, anywhere from Minnesota, Texas, California to Connecticut. I got a chance to walk around the campus and took in the sight, its unlike any university I’ve been to. The majestic gothic cathedrals made it seems as if I was walking through a medieval European town. From what I heard there are about ten Vienamese students attending Georgetown, including the one grad student that do not know her own way around campus :-) I am not sure if the student body have seen so many Asians before, but I got the impression that we were well received, noone did anything outrageous or behave erratically to taint our proud reputations.

The experience was wholly captivating and enjoyable. The conference itself was professionally handled by the organizers. I was impressed with the logistics behind the scenes. Everyone adhered to the normal time zone (EST) there were no reported incidents of anyone following Asian Standard Time (AST) All the workshops and events started on time, any hiccups that came about were graciously handled.
The few workshops I attended were very engaging and informative. I really enjoyed the presenters of the Mental Health within the Vietnamese American family workshop. Duong Hoang brought up a few good points, mental health issues is an undeveloped field within the Vietnamese community, what little we do have are attributed to superstitions. There are only 12 registered Vietnamese therapists in the United States. Soon to be 13 if Duong finish up his dissertation :-) There are many challenges in bringing the issue into mainstream focus, but with time and patience more people will become aware and realize that its treatable.

The keynote speaker, Mrs. Duy-Loan T. Le of Texas Instrument fame gave an awe inspiring speech that gave me goosebumps for the entire duration of the speech. Witty, talented and proud, Mrs. Duy-Loan is a wonderful source for aspirations among the young Vietnamese working professionals and students. Another notable event was the gala on saturday night. I was exposed to the various Vietnamese American musical acts from around the country. There were performances by Seriously, Carol Bui, Magetic North, Nam Ninja and my favorite, Applesauce (whose name is David btw.) His folksy music and comedic casual frankness was well received by everyone and for his encore he performed I Believe in Music by Mac Davis, which according to some have been mutilated by my rendition of it.

Overall, my experience with VASCON4 was an eye opener, I got to meet a lot of interesting people and made aware of the various pressing issues within the Vietnamese American community. I totally felt the VASCON love that was all around. The theme this year was for the attendees to take what they’ve learned and use it to plant seeds in their own community so we can all work together to build and strengthen Vietnamese Americans communities throughout the country. I will make an effort to get more involve with similar efforts in my community. If we all just take the first step to reach out then as a whole we can accomplish so much more. Here’s to us working together to build better communities for Vietnamese American’s throughout the world. So lets Pump Pump the Jesus.. .uhh Vascon spirit up and shout shout the Vascon spirit out, GOOOOOOOOOO VASCON.

PS. Props to the kids at UCLA, they bring much energy to the conference. They were on the dance floor until it was time for the perculator and then some.

Filed under: Stream of Consciousness

My Upcoming Races

The Frederick Marathon
Date: May 3, 2009
http://www.frederickmarathon.org

Completed
Official Finish Time: 4:34:57

The Nation's Triathlon
Date: September 13, 2009
http://thenationstriathlon.com

Can't swim 1.5k Had to drop out :(

The Baltimore Marathon
Date: October 10, 2009
http://www.thebaltimoremarathon.com
Official Finish Time: 3:56:43

Marine Corps Marathon
Date: October 25, 2009
http://www.marinemarathon.com

Official Finish Time: 4:12:57

JFK 50 Mile Ultramarathon
Date: November 21, 2009
http://www.jfk50mile.org

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